sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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