somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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