I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
