my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize