so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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