That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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