final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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