Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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