My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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