could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That was before I lit my hair on fire
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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