I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
