"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
