ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
