winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
