I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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