i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
