it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
