Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
