I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
