Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I still have a little drunk in my system
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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