i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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