I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
