burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
