hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
