if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
