i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
