When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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