4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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