she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We had to coat check the pizza.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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