Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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