you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize