i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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