Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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