Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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