you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
