I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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