I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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