Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
