If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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