Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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