**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
