Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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