A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Boobs are out for the taking
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
