The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
