quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
