I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she smelled like a LAN party
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
