2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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