Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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