She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
