I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
