if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
