i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
