Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
