after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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