I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
