you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
