He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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