when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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