Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
