If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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