I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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