I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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