How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
