Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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