I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
