I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
