We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
