my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
