He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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