I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
